


By Degrees

by sable_tyger (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-15
Updated: 2010-07-15
Packaged: 2017-10-28 07:39:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sable_tyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is their sixth year at Hogwarts; Lily is becoming increasingly frustrated with the near-obsessive infatuation of a certain James Potter, and Sirius and Remus are beginning to realize just how deep their friendship runs and that nothing is quite as simple as it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	By Degrees

It all started because Lily had needed to look up the cure for a Cheering Charm (one having gone badly wrong, thanks very much to James Potter and his mistaken belief that if she ‘just cheered up a bit,’ perhaps _then_ she’d go out with him). As her friend Marguerite had borrowed her Charms textbook, Lily hurried to the library, risking Madam Pince’s haughty distaste, to check with one of the school’s. She was still giggling rather manically when she got there, and she hurried away from the displeased librarian as quickly as possible before she could be kicked out for disturbing the other students, of which there weren’t many in any case—it was the day before the Christmas holidays, after all, and the students who were there were distinctly _not_ studying, but engaging in rather more physical activities that may or may not have been mistletoe-induced.

Her giggles becoming increasingly louder—in turn magnifying her irritation and anger with every moment—Lily flipped through one of the old textbooks, running her finger down the pages of the index and stopping above the words _Mood-altering charms, Cheering—effects of (pg. 471)._

She paged through the book with increasing urgency. Her giggles were dissolving into hiccups by now, and she was finding it difficult to breathe; if she soon ended up not being able to breathe at _all_ , well, that’d be just fantastic, as she wouldn’t be able to cry for help either. Potter was _really_ going to pay for this. She turned to page 471 and read as quickly as she possibly could, internally cursing herself for not remembering the bloody counter spell in the first place. Charms was her subject, after all, and Cheering Charms had been on her O.W.L. exam just last year—

She froze when she heard a soft, male laugh from the next aisle over. Hiccupping slightly—but quietly, so as not to be heard—she crouched beside the bookcase and listened intently. Eavesdropping was beneath her, and in any other case she’d just go back to her book and cure herself of this damn spell, but that was Sirius Black laughing, and as far as she knew, he laughed like that around no one else but her.

She shouldn’t be _proud_ of that observation, or—or— _pleased_ , but she couldn’t really help it that she was, could she?

Holding her breath, her chest aching with restrained hiccups, she listened.

“Moony,” Sirius said, and she could practically hear the grin in his voice, “are you trying to tell me what you really want to do right now is finish that essay? Because, frankly, I’m sure we can both agree just how ridiculous that is.”

“I—” Remus cleared his throat, and Lily spared a moment of pity for him—she’d always had a soft spot for Remus where he and his group of friends were concerned, and it was no easy task denying Sirius Black what he wanted. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Sirius. I am rather...distracted at the moment, after all.” His voice sounded dry, and...playful? Flirtatious? Oh God.

“Mmm.” Sirius hummed, and Lily could hear the creak of a chair as it shifted. His voice sent a thrill through her, and she was so angry at herself for that reaction that she forgot to hold her breath and let out a piercing giggle against her will.

The two boys on the other side of the bookcase paused for a moment. Lily clamped a hand over her mouth, and after a minute’s silence they seemed to have decided it was nothing. Slowly, curiosity overwhelming her, Lily crept to the corner of the shelf and chanced a look at them.

What she saw stunned her so that she nearly toppled over. Sirius had his lips pressed against Remus’ throat, and he was still humming, smiling as he did so. His right hand was trailing up and down the inside of Remus’ thigh, and his left was tangled in Remus’ hair. Lily swallowed hard and had to tear her gaze forcefully away from the sight of Sirius’ long slender fingers threading through locks of light brown hair.

“Padfoot?”

“Mm?”

“Your hand is on my knee.”

“And my other is in your hair, and my mouth is on your neck,” Sirius said indifferently. “What of it?”

“I—” Remus seemed to be at a loss for words, and his ears had gone pink.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed, and then both his hands were on either side of Remus’ face and he was _kissing_ him, hard and hungrily and moaning in spite of himself, and Remus was kissing him _back_.

Every ounce of cheeriness Lily had been feeling evaporated. Her hands trembling, she looked down at the textbook still in her hands, if only to look at something—anything—other than the two boys kissing in front of her. A sentence underlined in red ink leapt out at her.

_There is no cure for a Cheering Charm, the effects of which will wear off only in time, though a strong shock to the subject currently under the spell’s effects will often do the trick just as well._

Utterly infuriated, confused, and decidedly _not_ cheery, Lily Evans closed the book with a loud snap that echoed throughout the library. Then she got to her feet and stalked away before she could be found watching something she most definitely should not have seen.

****  


\---

  


****Remus gasped and pushed Sirius away when, a few aisles over, there came the loud, sudden sound of a book slamming shut. Sirius—wanting to ignore this rude and irritating distraction—leant in to kiss Remus again, settling on his lap as he did so, but Remus, quite red in the face, balked and got to his feet, visibly shaken.

“You don’t think someone saw that, do you?” He looked terrified.

Sirius sighed and pushed his hands into his pockets, casting Remus a dark look. “One would think you wanted an excuse not to kiss me. It’s nothing, Moony, Jesus! Don’t worry about it.”

Remus had gone even redder. “That’s not what I meant to imply,” he said, his voice very soft, so that Sirius had to strain to hear it.

“What was that?” he said, irritated. “Didn’t quite catch it.”

Remus swallowed, and Sirius immediately felt sorry for being difficult; it wasn’t his fault someone had interrupted them, after all. “Nothing,” Remus muttered, gathering up his school books—why the hell he’d come to the library to actually work on the last day of school before the Christmas holidays, Sirius had no bloody idea—and made as if to leave.

Sirius caught hold of him by the wrist. “Stop,” he said. “Please.”

Remus resolutely finished stuffing his bag with his many books, but when he’d finished that, he turned his gaze to Sirius and did not look away.

“Look,” Sirius said, suddenly feeling very overwhelmed and intimidated by what he had to say, “look. I, uh. This is weird, all right, so don’t take the piss out of me for it later—though I dunno, you seemed pretty enthusiastic five minutes ago.” He laughed, entirely too high-pitched, and Remus did nothing to put him at ease—just stared at him, waiting for him to say what was on his mind.

“Okay.” Sirius put his hands on Remus’ shoulders and hoped Remus wouldn’t notice him shaking. “Look. I like you. A lot. More than I should, seeing how we’re best mates and what I just did is _really_ not something best mates do, I know. But if you’d be up for it, I’d really like to do it again.”

Remus couldn’t meet his gaze now, and with a sinking heart Sirius wondered if all of Remus’ enthusiasm of a few moments ago hadn’t just been from shock.

“Is this a trick?” Remus finally asked, sounding very resigned and tired. “Did James and Peter put you up to this so you could make a fool out of me and then have a great laugh about it later?”

“What? No! James and Peter don’t know anything about this.” _Good thing, too, seeing how Remus is about five seconds away from kicking me to the curb._ Sirius chewed the inside of his lip out of nervous habit; Remus’ gaze focused on his mouth for a moment before flicking back up to his eyes.

“And do you—you mean it, everything you’re saying?” he asked.

 _“What?”_ Sirius said. “Yes! Of course I bloody well mean it! I just kissed you five minutes ago, and I want to do it again more than anything in the world because I _like_ you, you prat, and I know you’re thinking _but how could Sirius ever like_ ** _me?_** and just stop that, all right? You’re Moony, our Moony, and you’re one of my best friends and I’m getting fucking sick of you selling yourself short all the damn time!”

Remus went pink in the face. “Sorry,” he said.

“Sorry, what—?” Sirius rubbed the palm of his hand against his temple. “Remus, damn it, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m sorry, all right? I shouldn’t have yelled.” He wanted to hug Remus but decided, considering the present circumstances, that this might not be the best course of action. “I’m sorry for being so forward about all of this, and I guess I’ll just go now, seeing how you clearly aren’t interested...but, do me a favor, would you? Next time someone confesses that they like you, believe them, all right? You’re amazing, you really are, and I know you can’t see it, but it’s _true_.”

He turned to leave, trying to keep the hurt and dismay and thousands of other emotions he was feeling from showing on his face, but this time Remus caught _his_ arm and held him back, smiling a little crookedly.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I was just—confused, and now I seem to have given you the wrong idea.”

He teetered on the brink of action for a moment, and then he seemed to make up his mind, all in a rush; he leant forward and kissed Sirius again, right on the lips.

 _Oh,_ Sirius thought, wrapping his arms around Remus instinctively and pulling him close, _well, that’s good, then._

****  


\---

  


****“Good” wasn’t really the best word for it. It was, as far as Sirius concerned, bloody fucking brilliant, and he was sure to tell Remus this several times a day, though out of earshot of James and Peter and everybody else in the castle, because neither he nor Remus was quite prepared to have anybody else know about the two of them.

Lucky for the both of them, Peter was going home to his parents for the Christmas holidays, and James was going to see his. He had been very put out when Sirius and Remus had said thanks, but no thanks, they were going to stay at Hogwarts this year for Christmas, and he was refusing to let the matter drop.

“Why, though?” James asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. “I don’t understand—you’ve been planning on coming with me for weeks, Sirius!”

“I, well.” Sirius cast about for a creative enough lie and couldn’t find one. “You know Moony can’t go home right now—he’s too weak for the journey, seeing how it’s a few days before the full moon—and I promised I’d stay with him and help him stick it out.” He put his arm around Remus’ shoulders in what he hoped was a casual gesture and gave him a discreet squeeze.

James still looked annoyed. “Fine,” he said, sulking. “You’d think the two of you were staying here to make out or something,” and he left, clearly thinking this had been a brilliant insult.

Remus looked shocked and scared, but Sirius was grinning. “How funny of him to say that,” he said, turning to Remus. He kicked the door of their dormitory shut and pounced on him, pinning him to the bed and tickling him until he gasped for air and begged for mercy, and then he kissed him instead.

All in all, it would have been a very lovely Christmas, were Lily Evans not staying at Hogwarts for the holidays as well.

****  


\---

  


****“Hey, Evans,” Sirius said in what he hoped was a convincingly pleasant drawl, “not going home for the holidays?”

“No,” she said, shortly, and continued gazing into the Gryffindor fire.

He arched an eyebrow. “Not very pleasant today, are we?”

“Why should I be? I was an entire year’s worth of pleasant in the space of about two hours a few days ago thanks to Potter and his over-exuberant Cheering Charm.”

“Oh, yes, that.” Sirius settled into the armchair beside her; he had never been one for respecting the privacy of others’ personal space. This irritated most people, and though Lily was usually one of that number, today she did not move. “I told him it would never work. I said, and I quote, ‘Maybe if you stopped being such a gigantic prick all the time and laid off her for a while—’ but that’s about as far as I got before he was rolling on the floor laughing and making some _disgusting_ joke about my choice of words.”

Lily snickered. “As if you weren’t laughing with him.”

“Oh, absolutely. It’s half the reason I picked that precise wording. The other half is because I was utterly serious, but of course James wouldn’t believe that.” He grinned at her, and she smiled back.

“You do realize you’re crushing my arm, right?” she said, but she didn’t seem too annoyed about it. He shifted his weight off of her, and in doing so ended up with _her_ somehow on _him_. It was not...unpleasant. Though he’d have to be mad to ever admit something like that.

He wondered what Remus would say if he came down the staircase now to see him practically _snuggling_ with Lily Evans. He’d probably throw a thinly-veiled, venomous insult his way and then barricade himself in the dormitory, convinced that Sirius _had_ just been toying with him these past few days—which Sirius had most definitely not been—and then never talk to Sirius again.

_God, I hope Moony doesn’t come downstairs._

“What are you thinking about?” Lily said, and either she didn’t notice that she was now halfway on Sirius’ lap by now or she didn’t care. Sirius was rather inclined to believe the former.

“Remus,” he said honestly.

Lily stiffened at once and extricated herself from the chair. “Is that right?” she said coolly, but there was a pink tinge in her cheeks. “Well, I’d better go—I have to owl my parents their gifts or they’ll never get them before Christmas.” And she hurried up the staircase to the girls’ dormitories.

And Sirius, despite knowing that she had sent her parents their gifts a week ago, having caught her for a chat in the Owlery, didn’t say anything about it.

****  


\---

  


****_This is utterly ridiculous,_ Lily thought as she penned a furious letter to Marguerite, who had left for the holidays. _Why on earth should I care that Sirius is snogging Remus?_

But she did care, quite a bit, and she had a feeling the answer wasn’t as simple as she rather wanted it to be.

  
****  


\---

Two nights after the full moon—which had, to Remus’ great displeasure, fallen on Boxing Day—found Remus lying in his four-poster bed at three in the morning, wide-awake and aching all over. He had gotten two vicious cuts on his side from the night’s events, and while Madam Pomfrey had healed them, they still ached slightly if he thought about them much. He ran his fingertips over the newly-formed skin and sighed.

Sirius been wonderful through it all, just like always, but the guilt and the uncertainty that Remus could never shrug away still remained. Who was he to put his friends through all this, just for him? And how could they risk their safety so often, every month, for _him?_ He surely didn’t deserve that.

_And someday they’ll know it, too. Peter, James...and Sirius. One day they’ll realize it and everything wonderful that’s ever happened to me will go away, and I won’t be able to do anything about it because it’ll be what I deserve, won’t it?_

He pulled his blankets up to his chin and tried to stop thinking, but his thoughts kept racing on, flashing past with something new and horrible every second. Across the room, Sirius’ bed creaked. There was silence, then—

The hangings around Remus’ bed opened, then whisked shut again. A heavy weight pressed on Remus’ legs, but soon enough Sirius managed to settle himself comfortably beside Remus rather than on top of him. His breath was warm on his neck.

“Not sulking, now, are we? Budge up, give me some blankets.”

Remus’ throat felt very tight, his face hot. He didn’t move for a minute; then he relaxed his vise-like grip on the blankets, and Sirius wriggled up next to him, his bare chest flush with Remus’ arm.

“I haven’t been _sulking_ ,” Remus finally managed to say.

“Of course you weren’t,” Sirius said in a placating voice. He pressed his lips between Remus’ shoulder and his collarbone. “You were just getting all worked up and convincing yourself that you don’t deserve anything, least of all friends. You worry endlessly and make everything very hard for yourself, don’t you?”

Remus was quiet. He wasn’t sure how to react—Sirius knew him better than anyone, after all, and if he were to say that Sirius was wrong in his assumption, Sirius would know at once that he was lying. But still—to have someone know you so well was very unsettling, not to mention that what Sirius had just stated so plainly was a sore point of embarrassment for Remus and always had been.

“I don’t mean to,” he whispered after a moment.

Sirius seemed to realize he had upset him, because he said, “I know you don’t. I’m sorry I said anything about it. I just....” His voice trailed off. “I hope one day you’ll realize that this is all real, that we’re really your friends, that we really care about you, all right?”

“All right.”

“Hmmph.” Sirius snuggled closer to him, putting one arm over his chest and nuzzling his face into his neck. “Go to sleep. You’re keeping me up all night with your sighing and carrying on.”

Remus, smiling slightly, found that it wasn’t hard to sleep now at all.

****  


\---

  


December passed into January in a haze of icy rain and sleet. Students returned to Hogwarts after the holidays grumbling about the miserable weather as they shook out their cloaks and scattered icicles all over the entrance hall, to Filch’s displeasure.

With James and Peter back, Sirius and Remus had much less time to spend alone together, something Sirius found completely infuriating but Remus found relieving. Two weeks in Sirius’ intense presence with only the occasional appearance of Lily Evans to take off the pressure was not something to take lightly, and he was feeling very rushed and uncertain with his— _relationship_ , God, what a heavy word—with Sirius so far. They had, after all, only been together two and a half weeks, but Sirius tried to crawl into Remus’ bed every night (nothing had progressed further than kissing), and Remus wasn’t sure how long he could _keep_ things from going no further than kissing, especially not while also trying to keep the others in the dormitory from knowing what was going on.

He did like Sirius very much, after all; it was almost embarrassing how deeply he cared for Sirius, and how long he had felt that way (two years). So far, neither of them had talked extensively about their feelings, about their relationship, about _them_ , and Sirius being Sirius, Remus wasn’t sure whether this conversation would ever happen, but, Remus being Remus, he wanted _something_ of the sort to transpire before he got anywhere near having—having sex with Sirius Black.

The thought of it was enough to make his _thoughts_ skip, which really was embarrassing and he absolutely would not stand for it.

Winding through the castle corridors, Remus headed—not for the library, seeing how Sirius always caught him there—but to an empty classroom next to the Transfiguration room. He had learned a few years ago that it was generally left abandoned, and it was a good place for practicing spells or taking some time to think.

He pushed open the classroom door and— “Oh!” he said upon seeing Lily there; she had her wand out and looked to be in the middle of practicing some sort of complex spell work. “Sorry, I didn’t realize there was anyone in here.”

She looked irritated, but not with him. “Don’t worry about it, Remus.”

He closed the door behind him and couldn’t keep from smiling. “Practicing a hex to use on James the next time he tries to court you?”

She smirked. “If only there was one horrible or humiliating enough to keep him away for good,” she said, “but, unfortunately, I don’t think it exists yet.”

They shared a smile that was, for reasons Remus could not figure out, somewhat sad.

“He really does like you, you know,” he said, and wanted to kick himself for doing so. Lily scowled, pushing a lock of red hair out of her eyes.

“I know,” she said. “That’s exactly the problem.”

Before he could stop himself—he’d been getting far too impulsive lately, no doubt thanks to Sirius—Remus said, “That’s the problem? I thought you wouldn’t date him because, well, you were worried he was only chasing you for the challenge of it.”

Lily looked upset. “No,” she said. “I’ve known for months that he must really like me. Otherwise why the hell would he keep bothering after I punched him in the mouth in front of the whole school?”

Remus had to agree with her. The boy was madly in love. “You don’t feel for him at all?”

“I—I don’t know,” she said, and she looked surprised at herself. “I don’t really _know_ him, you know? I know _of_ him—star Quidditch player, scourge of the school with Black on his heels, troublemaker, giant prat most of the time—but that’s about it really. I don’t know anything else about him, who he is or even what he wants to do in life—except me, of course,” she said, grinning, and Remus laughed.

“That’s fair enough,” he said, aware that he was treading in uncertain waters, “but if you agreed to go on a date with him, you’d find out more, you know.”

She focused abruptly on her wand, twirling it in her fingers; gold sparks furled from the tip. “I don’t want to know more about him,” she said softly. “Because...I think I may already fancy someone else.”

 _Oh._ “Really? Who?”

She gave him a brilliant, watery smile. “You’re a good friend,” she said, as if she hadn’t heard him. “I really don’t know what I’d do sometimes without you there to talk me down from whatever proverbial cliff I’m thinking of leaping off to get Potter off my back.”

“I, well.” He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling very hot. “It’s the least I can do, after all, seeing how he’s my friend and I guess that makes me partly responsible every time he bothers you.”

She was still smiling, but moving towards the door. She paused beside him before opening it, however. “Well, in that case, thank you,” she said, and brushed her lips across his cheek before winking and walking out the door.

Remus, stunned, watched her go, putting a hand to his cheek as he did so. The spot where she had kissed him burned beneath his fingertips.

****  


\---

  


****Oh, God, this was awful, this was truly just awful. Lily managed to keep her poise after her conversation with Remus until she rounded the corner at the end of the hallway, and then she gave herself over to shaking and giggling. Remus! Remus Lupin!

She couldn’t place what was so funny about it all until she remembered kissing him, and the look on his face after she’d done it, and realized that she very much wanted to have that happen again. She groaned and put her head in her hands. This was ridiculous. _She_ was ridiculous. It had to be hormones—teenage hormones. She was a teenager, after all, never mind that she had never felt particularly hormonal—certainly not enough so to warrant wanting to jump Remus Lupin in the middle of the hallway after Transfiguration, a thought that had crossed her mind several times.

It was made no less ridiculous because jumping Remus, of all people, was a terribly foolish idea—that wasn’t what he’d like at all, was it? He was too reserved and sweet for that. She smiled fondly at this.

And, of course, there was the small problem of him and Sirius Black, being, well...an item. Though that was not public knowledge; as far as Lily knew, she was the only one who knew about it.

 _How utterly horrid,_ she thought again, but she laughed.

****  


\---

  


****Lily had been standoffish—even cold—to Sirius since Christmas, and he was determined to find out why.

Remus had gone white when he had mentioned this (which made no sense to Sirius, but he hadn’t asked about it), saying that Sirius would do better to leave well enough alone.

Sirius scoffed at this. “Don’t worry about me,” he said, kissing Remus on the nose. “I’ll restore myself to her good books with my overwhelming charm and gallantry.”

And if Remus had looked unsettled and unconvinced at this, well, Sirius would just show him.

“You think I’m charming, don’t you, Evans?” he said the next time he saw her, batting his lashes in an overt, over-the-top demonstration.

“Oh, undoubtedly,” she said, and usually Sirius would have grinned and laughed at this, but he didn’t this time, because she was being serious.

“What?” he asked, rather inelegantly, instead.

She smiled. She was very pretty today, with her hair pinned up and framing her face in loose curls. Sirius tried not to notice. “Oh, yes,” she said. “Why deny it?” She held her books close to her chest and leaned nonchalantly against the wall of the corridor. Around them, students were moving in groups to their next classes, chattering loudly.

“Yeah, but....” Sirius studied her for a minute. “Are you ill, Evans?”

“Nope,” she said cheerfully. “And I do believe my name is Lily.”

“Oh. Right.” He was flustered by now, which never happened to him (except when he was around Remus), and it was quite unnerving.

“Did you have something you wanted to say, Sirius?”

 _Do I?_ Before he realized what he was doing, he blurted out, “You wanna go to the next Hogsmeade weekend with me?”

If she was shocked by this, she didn’t show it. “Is Potter going to be there?” she asked coolly, brushing a lock of red hair behind her ears.

“Um...no?” _What in the ever-loving FUCK are you doing, Sirius?_

“Oh,” she said, and she smiled widely at him. Her eyes were glowing. “Well, then, yes. Why not?"

\---

_Holy fuck._

_This is bad._

_I’ve asked Evans—Lily—on a_ date _._

 _And she’s said_ yes _._

_Oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. What the fuck is the matter with me?_

Sirius had no answer for himself. He must have looked visibly shaken when he returned to the dormitory, because Remus—the only one there—was out of his bed in a flash and asking him if he was all right.

“You look pale, what’s happened?”

“I dunno,” Sirius said honestly. “I think I’ve lost my mind.”

_But it’s okay, because Lily’s going to Hogsmeade with me._

He felt terribly, achingly guilty when Remus tried to kiss him, though. He pulled away, trying to ignore the hurt in Remus’ eyes (and the fear, too—the fear that this was it, that this was the end of the two of them—and Sirius would have to be lying to say he wasn’t afraid of that, too). “‘M sorry,” he said, pulling away. “I just don’t feel well, all right?”

And he lay awake that night, his stomach twisting itself in knots, and wondered how in the hell he could be so bloody arrogant and _cruel_ , to want both Remus and Lily all to himself.

“Are we having a fight?” Remus asked the next morning when Sirius finally awoke, long after the others had left the room. “Because if we are, I’d like to know about it.”

“No,” Sirius said, a horrible taste in his mouth. He kissed Remus anyway. “No, we’re not. I’ve just been...thinking. Don’t worry about it, though I know how ominous it is to hear that I’ve been thinking.” He tried to smile. “I love you.” And he kissed Remus again and hurried from the dormitory, leaving Remus standing there alone, confused and thrilled in equal measure because that was the first time Sirius Black had ever told him he loved him.

 _I meant it, too,_ Sirius thought. _I know I did._  

****  


\---

  


"Have you ever...had sex before?” Remus asked one day when he and Lily were studying. She nearly choked on the pumpkin juice she’d snuck into the library.

“What—” she demanded, mopping herself up “—the hell kind of question is that, Remus?”

“I dunno,” he said, but he wasn’t embarrassed. Talking to Lily was easy, like talking to Sirius. “I was just wondering. Because I haven’t, ever,” he added quickly. Her severe expression softened.

“Me neither,” she confided. Suddenly she grinned. “Why—are you thinking of seducing one of the lovely ladies here at our school?”

Remus cleared his throat. “No,” he said, and it was mostly the truth. “Nothing like that.”

The grin was still on her face, though it faltered. “Well,” she said. “More’s the pity.” And she began gathering up her books before Remus could speak. “I’ve got to go,” she said, and, as she had now become accustomed to doing whenever saying goodbye to Remus, she kissed him on the cheek.

He snapped his books shut after she’d left. He’d upset her somehow, he could tell. He hadn’t meant to—the question had just slipped out, and talking to Lily about it had seemed natural. To be honest, he had been thinking of Sirius when he’d asked. After Remus had initially explained why he hadn’t wanted to have sex yet, not so soon after they’d started—whatever it was they were doing _(dating? No...),_ Sirius had been surprisingly accepting and had stopped trying to jump Remus every minute they were alone.

But Remus still thought about it sometimes, when Sirius was looking particularly lovely or acting particularly sweet (which was more often than not). He was less intimidated about the idea now more than ever, and he couldn’t see himself with anyone else but Sirius.

But his hand, as it always did, inched up to his cheek of its own accord to touch the spot where Lily’s lips had been.

****  


\---

  


****The Hogsmeade weekend approached very rapidly, until finally mid-March arrived and it was upon them.

Sirius, still trying to figure out what was wrong with himself, had gotten Remus a whole lot of chocolate and a small book on...well, something about charms and spells of the sixteenth century. He’d done it more for himself than Remus, and hoped his guilt wasn’t obvious. Remus smiled and kissed him a lot and seemed to want to do _more_ , but Sirius, who didn’t usually say no to that kind of stuff, found that he really, at the moment, didn’t want to.

And he left Remus alone in the common room, feeling worse then he had before.

Lily was waiting for him in Hogsmeade, though, and it’d be a lie to say that the thought didn’t cheer him up somewhat.

The two of them steered clear of most of the usual destinations in the small wizarding village, both of them not wanting, though neither said it, to see anyone they knew. Especially James. That would not end well at all, and Sirius did not particularly want to face that specific confrontation anytime soon. Ever.

Somehow, despite this, Lily ended up having a wonderful time and told him as much, smiling slightly. He smiled back, feeling increasingly uneasy, especially when she slipped her smaller hand into his and pulled him along after her down the path back to Hogwarts. What would he do if she tried to kiss him? Was she expecting him to kiss her?

The worst part was that he desperately wanted to, and yet couldn’t bring himself to do it.

But she did nothing but hug him and wave when they returned to the castle, and Sirius was left feeling both saddened and relieved.

****  


\---

  


****James was enraged the next day. “Can you believe it?” he said, nearly tearing out his own hair as he paced. “I asked her—again, mind—to Hogsmeade yesterday, and she said no!”

“ _I_ can believe that,” Peter said without looking up from the Herbology notes he was reviewing. Remus and Sirius laughed. James glared at them all.

“It’s not funny!” he said. “I asked her why she wouldn’t go with me, and she didn’t do what she always does and shoot me down by insulting me or whatever. She said she _already had a date_.”

Beside Remus, Sirius tensed slightly. “How strange,” he said, his voice chillingly nonchalant. “She seems to have realized there are other people in the school willing to date her besides you. Well, it had to happen sooner or later, mate, you obviously have no chance.”

“Oh, fat load of help you lot are,” James snarled, and he stormed from the common room.

Remus tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. What had caused it—Sirius’ obvious unease or Remus’ own at the mention of Lily dating—was beyond him.

****  


\---

  


****It was a very irritated James Potter that attempted to win over Lily’s affections again over the next few weeks. Instead of using her customary tactics against him—veiled insults that she only half-meant, for example, or walking in a group of friends so as to ward Potter off—Lily took to avoiding him for the first time since he had started asking her out at the beginning of their fifth year. Usually she would never dream of letting James get to her so badly that she was forced to plot out circulatory, irregular routes to her classes in order to avoid seeing him, but ever since she and Sirius had gone to Hogsmeade together, she had wanted to see James less than ever before. For one thing, there was the fact that she had chosen his best friend over him, which would not go down well were he ever to discover it. For another, Sirius hadn’t spoken to her since their trip to Hogsmeade, anyway, so perhaps he hadn’t enjoyed it as much as she had and she might as well just drop off the face of the planet now before he could tell her that straight to her face. _Sorry, Evans, but you were a dreadful bore and you wouldn’t even kiss me when we got back to Hogwarts, so never mind that I’m dating a certain mate of mine, anyway, I don’t want to see you ever again._

Well, so far they certainly hadn’t seen each other, and Lily was quite all right with keeping it that way. Her friends had noticed her acting strangely over the past few weeks, and of course they assumed—rightly, for once—that she was having boy-related difficulties, and so hanging out with Marguerite and the others as they tried to badger the identity of the ‘mystery boy’ out of her was now becoming yet another tiring pastime.

And so more often than not Lily found herself in the empty classroom on the Transfiguration corridor whenever she had a free moment, just so she could clear her head and try to sort out her thoughts. And perhaps she wanted to catch Remus there, as well. Maybe. He was a good listener, after all, and level-headed and he could keep a secret, too, so why _shouldn’t_ she want to talk to him?

Even to herself it sounded like she was making excuses, and, sick to her stomach, she put her head between her knees and thanked whatever higher power there was that Remus wasn’t there at the moment to see her like this.

If she’d just had a simple crush on Sirius, she would have been able to handle it. Sirius was a very magnetic person—attractive, charming, intelligent, and, despite the front he tried to put up, caring, too—why shouldn’t she be drawn to him? Hell, half the fucking school was, and the other half was male.

She snickered a bit, feeling light-headed. Well, not _all_ of the male students at Hogwarts had managed to escape Sirius’ charm. But now she was thinking of Remus again, and the thought only made her dizzier.

She _wasn’t_ dealing with a simple crush. There was a mutual attraction between herself and Sirius, and she knew both of them could feel it; why else would he have asked her out despite the fact that he was best mates with James? And that was only one of the things that made everything so complicated—James Potter had very strong feelings for her that seemed impossible to dispel with a well-placed punch or snide comment, and Lily supposed that could either be a credit or a demerit to his character, depending how you looked at it.

To top it all off, here she was sneaking into empty classrooms just for a _chance_ to have a conversation with Remus, no matter what they talked about. They could talk about anything and she would still walk away from the conversation feeling better, just by having been in his even-tempered presence. And they would certainly be able to commiserate about Sirius’ many shortcomings and all the ways he still made up for them in spite of that—that is, if she could ever get the courage to admit out loud that she had feelings for Sirius at all. She groaned.

“So you are alive,” someone said dryly. “I was worried I’d need to go and fetch Professor McGonagall so she could set you right.”

She snapped her head up and regretted it instantly as the room swam before her eyes. “Oh, it’s you, Remus,” she said. “Of course.”

He made no remark about this, simply waited for her to recover herself.

“You’re sure you’re feeling well?” he asked. “You haven’t looked well since the Hogsmeade weekend.”

Her stomach lurched. _Oh God they all found out and James has killed Sirius and Remus has come to kill me for going to Hogsmeade with his boyfriend—_

He shook his head at her. “I’m tempted to go and get McGonagall anyway,” he said, “despite the fact that I would then lose this room as a hiding place, seeing how McGonagall would then know that we frequent it.”

Lily smiled somewhat grimly through the nausea. “Don’t do that, then,” she said. “This is the only place I can get any sort of peace these days.”

Remus came to sit beside her on the old desk. “James has been bothering you a lot lately, then?” he asked, as if he didn’t know.

“That’s not it,” she said uncomfortably. “There’s just a lot of…things I’ve been thinking about.”

“I know what you mean.”

“Remus?”

“Hmm?”

“How are you and Sirius?”

“Um…fine?”

Huh. She wondered whether he did know about the Hogsmeade weekend. She hoped not. She leaned heavily against him, sighing, and he didn’t pull away as he usually would. She put her head tentatively on his shoulder.

“It’s exhausting,” she said, and she had a feeling that, when he nodded, he knew exactly what she was talking about.

“Indeed it is,” he said, and put his arm around her. She covered his hand with her own and wondered when it was, exactly, that he had become so calm and wonderful and _Remus_ , or if he had always been that way and she was just starting to realize it.

****  


\---

  


****There was a Quidditch match the next week, and James went off to the changing rooms early in the morning. Peter disappeared not long after to get some good seats, leaving Sirius and Remus in the dormitory together.

“Aren’t you going down?” Remus said stiffly. He was clearly still embarrassed for having been turned down by Sirius the previous weekend.

“Nah,” said Sirius, a glint in his eye. “I’ve been banned from playing for a month, remember? For telling Snape off again.”

“‘Telling him off’ is putting it lightly.”

“Yeah, well, forget about him.” Sirius crept onto Remus’ bed and put his arms around him. “Let’s not go down to the match,” he said. “We’re just playing Hufflepuff, after all, and I can think of a ton of things I’d rather be doing, one of them being you.”

Remus gave a yelp of feigned outrage that dissolved into nervous giggles as Sirius kissed him full on the mouth.

****  


\---

  


“I love you,” Remus whispered for the first time afterwards, holding Sirius very close and kissing his forehead. They were both tangled up in the bed sheets and each other, sweat cooling on their skin.

“‘Bout time you said it,” Sirius said groggily, without opening his eyes. “I’ve been saying it for nearly two months now.”

“Sorry,” Remus said, kissing him again and laughing. “You know what I’m like.”

“All too much,” Sirius said, with overdramatic resignation. “But it’s what I love about you.”

“Oh? And what’s that?” Remus asked, startled.

“Oh, you know,” Sirius said. “Just...everything.”

Remus tried to hide the sudden rush of warmth he felt at this by saying, “I’m sure you tell that to all the werewolves you sleep with,” and Sirius laughed.

****  


\---

  


The first time Sirius saw Lily alone after their Hogsmeade visit (which was a month and a half later, to his chagrin; it was now the beginning of May), he decided to talk to her about James.

“James still isn’t pleased you went to Hogsmeade with someone other than him,” he said, trying to sound as if he were extremely disinterested in the whole affair.

“Oh, you’re still alive?” she said. “He must not know that it was _you_ who took me, then.”

He reddened. “Um, no.”

“I see.” She gazed at him steadily for a minute. “What’s your game, Sirius?” she finally asked.

“What—”

“What do you want from me? What are you getting out of this? Why bother going through all the hassle of going after the girl your best friend likes? I am honestly confused.”

“I’m not going after—”

“Yes, you are,” she said simply. “Or if you’re not, then I am _very_ confused as to why you asked me to Hogsmeade.”

“I just like you, all right?” he said irritably. “Is that such a crime?”

“I—” She looked at him with wide eyes. “No.” Her gaze softened, and Sirius found that he could not look away from her. He never could.

“Lily....”

“Shh,” she said, and she kissed him.

It was wonderful, heady, passionate, all of the things he had imagined it would be. Her hands were running through his hair, and his arms were wrapped around her waist, crushing her close to him. Her chest was heaving, and she slipped her thigh between his—

Sirius pulled away all too soon, gasping and red-faced and hot, unable to look at her.

“I can’t,” he said, softly. “I can’t do this. _We_ can’t do this.”

“Why not?” she demanded, angry and refusing to back down. He knew she was never one to give in. “Because I’m James Potter’s trophy girl?”

“No,” Sirius said. “I—because Remus and I—because I’m in love with Remus.”

Lily blushed furiously at this, which was far from the response Sirius had been expecting. “Oh,” she said. “I know. Um—I saw the two of you kissing in the library before Christmas.”

“Fuck!” Sirius stared at her. “Remus was right, someone _did_ see...why haven’t you said anything?”

“What was I supposed to say? As if I’d just spread your secret around the whole damn school, give me more credit than that! Remus is my friend, too! I’d never do that to him, or you, and if you’re happy together, well, what do I care....” But the look on her face indicated that she did care, very much.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said. “I’ve been leading you on. I shouldn’t have done it. Even if I—I really like you, Lily, a lot. I mean that. But Remus....”

She blushed even more deeply. “About that, Sirius,” she said. “Remus and I have been—we’ve been—we—oh, damn. Sirius, he and I have been meeting in an empty classroom after Transfiguration class for a month now to...you know.” Her face was now as red as her hair.

 _“What?”_ Sirius stared at her, unable to believe what he had heard. “You—and Remus—but I...oh my God.” After a moment: “Is this your idea of a joke, Lily?”

She couldn’t look at him. “No.”

“Fuck!” Sirius, unable to contain himself, whirled and slammed his fist into the wall. Lily watched him disapprovingly, but there was also guilt in her features.

“Sirius, I’m sorry. You should go talk to him.”

“Talk to him? I don’t want to fucking talk to him! He’s been snogging you and all this time I thought he—I thought we—”

“Well,” Lily pointed out reasonably, “You’ve just kissed me now, too, you know.”

He didn’t say anything, just shouted something wordlessly and then ran before anyone could come and see what all the commotion was about. Lily watched him go and didn’t say a word.

****  


\---

  


“What the fuck is the matter with you?” Sirius shouted when he found Remus, and he didn’t care that they were standing in the middle of the grounds where anyone could see them, he didn’t care at all.

“What do you—”

“Lily!” Sirius said, taking Remus by the shoulders. He repressed the urge to shake him. _Don’t, stop it, this is Remus, your Remus._ Remus went white, his eyes wide and his mouth working, but no words came out.

“I just thought—” Sirius let him go and collapsed in a heap on the ground, shaking slightly. “I don’t know what I thought.” _That Remus and I were going to last? That I would get to be with Remus and Lily, too? I should have fucking known this was too good to be true, I was selfish and terrible and look where it’s fucking got me._

After a long moment’s silence, Remus said, “She told you?”

“About you going to kiss her every week after Transfiguration? Yeah, she told me.” All the desire for nastiness and anger had drained out of Sirius, leaving him feeling empty and hopeless. “What the _fuck_ , Remus, why? I thought what we....” But his voice trailed off again.

“Well, I did it for the same reason _you’ve_ just kissed her, I expect,” Remus said, and far from looking angry or hurt, he just looked tired.

“What? You know—”

“Of course I know. I’ve known you’ve liked Lily ever since you went to Hogsmeade with her.”

“I—oh,” Sirius said, in a small voice. “I didn’t realize.”

“Clearly.”

But Sirius’ thoughts were racing, taking him to places he desperately wanted to see and yet also never wanted to go— “So why did you stay with me, then?”

“Because I love you, and you love me, you prat.”

Sirius tried to smile, feeling a little relieved. “Yeah,” he said. “I do.”

“And,” Remus said, looking very thoughtful now, “we both like Lily, too.”

“What are you—”

“Don’t ask questions.” He hauled Sirius to his feet and kissed him (in public, for the first time, though it was just as well that nobody saw them).

****  


\---

  


“Lily,” Remus said later that night. “We have a problem.”

“You can say that again,” she said. She was still reeling with shock, with the fact that she was, quite clearly, harboring feelings for both Remus and Sirius despite the fact that they were in a relationship, and that she had kissed both of them in the space of a month.

 _Really, Lily,_ she thought. _Good show. Very good show._ She put her head on her hands, trying to ignore the bustle of other Gryffindors in the common room, and said, “You can just let me die now.”

He laughed. “Why on earth would I let you do that?”

****  


\---

  


“Are you sure about—”

“Absolutely.”

“Really? Have you thought it all—”

“This is me you’re talking to, Sirius, of course I’ve thought it through.”

“Oh. Well, then. What’d you come up with?”

“You’ll see,” Remus said, and he pushed open the door of the empty classroom on the Transfiguration corridor and led Sirius inside.

At first he thought the room was empty, and that he and Remus were alone. Then he saw the familiar, slender figure of Lily Evans, leaning in a corner on the far wall. She looked scared but determined.

“Hullo,” she said, when they had shut the door behind them.

Remus, who had seemed very self-confident out in the corridor, had lost his voice. Sirius had no idea what was going on and looked between Lily and Remus, waiting for someone to give him a clue.

Remus cleared his throat. “I thought,” he said, carefully, “seeing how all of us have, uh, kissed each other within the last month....” His voice trailed off. Sirius, for one of the first times in his life, had no idea how to react.

Of course this idea had crossed his mind—he was Sirius Black, after all, everything crossed his mind—but he had never...how could they possibly make it work? He had never heard of anything like it.

Lily stepped forward. She seemed to have noticed that neither of the others was going to do anything first. She looked shaky, but sure of herself. “I like both of you,” she said, plainly. “I know you two are very much in love.”

Remus flushed a little, and Sirius punched him lightly on the arm.

“And I am...rather certain you both like me?” She looked at the two of them, her ears turning red, and blushed brilliantly when they both nodded.

“Well, then,” she said, and of course it was Lily who would be the one to make everything all right—it was always Lily who made everything right, who made everything wonderful and _better_ , just by being her, and this was no exception.

Looking at the two of them, her green eyes bright and sparkling even in the dimly lit room, she smiled.

And the both of them smiled back.


End file.
